My Daddy Went to Heaven

This blog has been stirring in my mind for almost three weeks now. I wanted to make sure I could write it without crying. But I can't. The surgery was September 8, 2010. It went great. He made it through an 8 hour surgery. He came out looking great and we were thankful. The doctor told us healing for a week and then we would see if he could eat and drink without the esophagus leaking. He pushed himself to get up, he was tired, little things came up. I spent my days with him. Mostly he would sleep. A few times he made comments that made no sense at the time but as we put the events together he was starting his journey. A week after surgery the tube came out and he ate. For the first time since May he ate. Then he slept more and more and made sense less and less. Mom and I knew what was happening though we hoped we were wrong. It was Sunday night and the call came. My little sister and I went to the hospital and all we could do was peek in the room as we walked by. He was struggling to breath, his eyes were closed and I am so glad he did not see us. He would have seen the sadness and fear in our eyes and it would have been too hard. The chaplain talked to my sister and I. The logical side of me knew it was time. He fought for 14 years. We had our time. I could not ask God not to take him. It was another family's turn. But the little girl in me wanted my Daddy to keep living. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn't ready to let God have such a wonderful man. But God had already made his decision.





We moved to CICU. I hated it there. There was another family there losing a young girl who was in a car accident and they were donating her organs. I admire them so much for giving life. They went right down the hallway we went left, to let our loved ones go to heaven. I said good-bye and knew he had already gone. But he heard me. I cherish that the last words he said to me were, I Love you Dawner. My nickname he gave me 30 years ago. My Dad. Then man who taught me so many things. I am who I am because of how he and Mom raised us. Had he not come into our life we all would be different people. He showed me that blood means nothing when it comes to being a Dad. He took care of us when we were sick, he was our biggest cheerleader, he knew we could do anything we set out minds too, he expected us to treat others with respect, he taught me to tell others I love you, he walked me down the aisle and he was the most wonderful Papa to my little girl. At 9:30 am he was officially gone. I felt sad yet relieved the pain was gone. I know he went to heaven and will visit us when he can. His legacy is us. HIS KIDS. Everyday I think of him. Some days have been better than others. Everyday now is a first. The first day back to school since he left us, my first birthday in 30 years without him, the first month without a least one of his doctor appointments on my calendar. It is hard but I know it does no good to stop living. He would hate that. So we get back to living. We are the family he created. So we go out and make him proud. Make him laugh. Make him shake his head. But most of all love one another. After all that is what he did for us. He simply loved us.